Destinies Entwined    DE Press    Fan Fiction   Manips    Multimedia    Sentinel Slash Loft Library   Sentinel Gen Loft Library



By: Dotty

My... creation for lack of a better term lies below me sleeping.

The cough that had plagued him for the last few months seems to be gone. He's resting quietly, thank you, God. Please, no nightmares, insomnia or other problems tonight, as he needs to drift along quietly, and without worry.

I say creation because I canít think of another term to use. When he entered my world, he was a scholar, an academic, and an innocent. Now, because of me, he has lost that world, that innocence, the respect of former colleagues, even his hair, and his life. He's a cop, exposed to the worst of life and the worst of humanity. His innocence is gone. This all lies on my shoulders since no one else can or should carry this.

When I first met him, I thought some lessons, a few tips, some guidelines and off I'd go on my merry way. In return, he'd have information to finish his dis, get his PhD and leave. Neither of us knew this is would turn into the most important union of our lives. I didn't know my life would forever be changed and in doing so, another's would as well. Still, that is no excuse. The fault is mine and mine alone. I accept full responsibility.

I am in awe of my friend, brother, and part of my soul. His ability to adapt and overcome is inspiring. His ability to forgive is humbling. He forgave me for causing his death and for resurrecting him in an image beyond anything he ever wanted.

I had been told that being a sentinel would require my life and soul. I thought I understood a commitment was required. I didn't know it was literal. If I had, I would forced Blair from my side so fast...

The birth of my creation had its conception in an office in Hargrove Hall. It had its first third stage labor pain by a fountain on the most horrible morning of my life, and its birth was completed in a press conference. By the time Blair finished speaking, my creation was complete. Not creation as in Godhood. More along the lines of playing Victor Von Frankenstein. The difference? My creation isn't evil, but a wonder to celebrate.

I understood that saving Blair would be at a cost of my life. I knew I would lose hours, months, and even years for his return. There was no hesitation. There couldn't be. I had to try to correct my wrong, fix the error and save my friend. I don't know how much time I've lost. I just know I tire more easily, need more rest, feel weary down to my bones like never before. It's worth it. If Blair had stayed dead, I would have followed. It would have been follow him, go insane, or kill myself. I'm a cop. I had a very simple way to accomplish that. But, you see I'm selfish. I wanted Blair back, me to live, and our life to go on as it had been.

That was not to be. We didn't know we were in labor. Watching the end of my friend's birth destroyed so much in both of us. He gave up everything. I only had to give up the walls I had around me. I got the easy part. Stating he was a fraud to the world ended one life. Becoming a cop started a new one.

I've never understood his forgiveness. We talked, argued, screamed, discussed and went on. Others have said he forgave too easily. I agree. Naomi rarely visits. Blair thinks it's guilt. He didn't hear our last conversation. If words alone could sent one to hell, I have a front row seat reserved. I'm still on probation with Megan. Others, well let's just say Blair has a lot of people ready to cause me a world of hurt for any more pain I cause him. Good. I need kept on the straight and narrow. Lesson learned.

I try to watch out for him. I try to keep him from the worst of the job, make sure he eats, sleeps and be there for whatever he needs. After the dust settled, it took a long time for the pieces to fit. That's a puzzle I never want to have to rework. I can't. So I sneak liquid vitamins in his algae shakes, hide packages of socks around so when it's my turn to do the laundry, I can replace his older ones as they wear out. He seems to lose his winter coat every couple of years. Funny, that always happens about the time I just happen to catch a great sale on a new one. It always seems to happen when lined flannel shirts are on sale also. Iíve even rigged the thermostat so it is higher than it shows. Blair hates being cold. Tomorrow is supposed to be warm. I'll find an excuse to drag him outside in the sunshine. He soaks it up like a sponge or a flower in the spring. I think it helps him survive the cold, wet winters when his health is worse and aches and pains more prevalent. I'm good aren't I? Words have never been my strong suit. I do actions. If he knows, he never says anything. Perhaps he realizes I need to do penance the only way I know how. Penance I must do, if only for myself. I NEED to earn his forgiveness, absolution. There is so much dirt on my hands, blood on my head, and stains on my soul that I believe this absolution is the only one I will receive in this life or any other. It is enough. It has to be.

The End