A New Path
By: KAM

Jim sat on the edge of the bed, head cradled in his hands, very conscious of his sleeping lover lying behind him. Sensing movement, he turned and gazed down at the peaceful face as two blue eyes blinked open and then sleepily looked at him.

"What's wrong?" The voice was husky and full of sleep. It sent shivers down his back.

"Nothing, go back to sleep."

"Don't. You know I can always tell when something is bothering you."

Jim sighed and turned around again. He tensed, but then immediately relaxed, when two strong arms wrapped around him from behind. "I'm going to tell him tonight."

There was a moment's pause. "I thought you decided not to."

"I know, but I just can't do it anymore. He's a friend and he deserves the truth. No more hiding."

A soft kiss was pressed against the side of Jim's neck. "How do you think he'll react?"

Sighing, Jim's shoulders slumped forward. "I honestly don't know. I hope he'll be okay with it. I just. I just don't know."

"I'll be here if you need me."

"I know." Turning, Jim gathered the other man close. Kissing the mouth that opened for him instantly, he lowered them both down onto the bed.

***

Smiling, Blair looked up from his dinner preparations as Jim walked into the loft. "Hey," he called out. "You're just in time. Dinner should be ready in a few."

Jim took his time hanging up his coat, not able to face the other man at the moment. "Smells good."  Finally, he turned around and was brought up short by what he saw. The table had been covered with a lace tablecloth. Two candles, sitting in his very best holders, were lit, their soft blaze swaying slightly in the breeze fluttering through the loft. It was then that he finally noticed the soft strains of music emanating from the stereo. "Should I leave again?"

A disarming smile on his face, Blair turned to Jim. "No, this is for us. Or, should I say, for you."

His gut clenching, Jim forced himself to ask, "For me?"

Blair wiped his hands on the towel slung over his shoulder and then threw it onto the counter. "Yeah, for you." Suddenly losing his courage, he looked down at the floor. "I. I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now. After everything that happened with Alex, I. I finally worked up the nerve to go on and actually do it."

Having a sinking suspicion of what the younger man was going to say, Jim said, "Blair -"

"No, not now. Let's just eat first, okay?"

Numbly, Jim nodded and stiffly walked over to the table. His knees gave out then and he gratefully sank down onto one of the chairs. Knowing he had to say something, knowing that he had to do whatever he could to spare Blair's feelings and to not cause his roommate any more hurt than necessary, Jim tried to think of the best way to deal with the situation. Before he could, though, Blair was by his side, placing a food-laden plate in front of him.

Blair smiled nervously. "It's something new that I've been wanting to try. When I first found the recipe, I knew it was something that you'd like."

"It. It looks great." Jim picked up his fork and took a small bite. Normally, he would have loved it. But tonight, staring up into Blair's hopeful face, he choked it down, almost not able to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat.

Sensing Jim's uneasiness, Blair went to his seat and sat down. "Jim, I. I need to tell you something and I want you to just let me say it. No interruptions, okay?"

"Blair -"

"Please, Jim."

Unable to speak, Jim simply nodded.

"I. I'm just going to come right out and say it. If you want to kick my ass, then you can; but I need to get this out." Blair took a deep breath and then looked up. "I. I love you, Jim. I'm in love with you. I want us to be together. In a relationship. I know that we've had some problems lately, but I think we can work through them. If we're still together after everything Alex put us through then I don't think there's anything we can't overcome." Blair stared into Jim's eyes, taking note of the carefully blank expression on the other man's face. "Jim?"

Stunned, Jim could only stare at Blair. He'd never expected this. And now, he knew that he was going to have to hurt his friend. After everything he'd put Blair through recently, that's the last thing he wanted. "Blair, I." Jim thought back to earlier when he'd been with his lover. Remembered the warm body that had opened to him and eagerly welcomed him. He had intended to tell Blair about his relationship with Chad tonight. But now, he knew that he couldn't. "Chief, you're my best friend and you know that I care about you. A lot. But."

"But what?" Blair's voice was soft, his eyes downcast.

"But I. I. I'm not into guys, Blair," Jim finally managed to stammer out. "I like women. I'm sorry."

Blair's brow furrowed as he thought about his partner's past reactions; about Jim's reactions to other men during the time they'd known each other. "But, I. I mean, you seemed like you."

Jim could only sit and helplessly stare at the slumped form sitting across from him. "I'm so sorry, Blair. I never meant to hurt you. But I just can't."

Blair rose from his seat. "I'm going to my room. I. I'll clean up everything in a little while."

"Don't worry, Blair. I'll get everything." Jim's voice was soft, but Blair still flinched at the words.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks." Slowly, walking as if his body ached all over, Blair went to his room.

Jim sat at the table, staring after the retreating form, and winced when the soft click of the door shutting reached his ears. A few seconds later, he ruthlessly dialed down his hearing when the first muffled sobs sounded. Jaw clenched, he got up and mindlessly went about cleaning up the remains of dinner.

***

Blair clutched his coat tighter around him as he walked down the street. It seemed like he was always cold now, a deep-seated cold that penetrated right down to his core. In the two weeks since he'd declared his love to Jim, a love that the older man hadn't been able to return, Blair had slowly withdrawn into himself. He knew that Jim, despite his inability to love him, was worried nonetheless.

Jim had been hovering as of late, something that only served to increase the already overwhelming pain that Blair had been enduring since that ill-fated night. He'd lost interest in his work, mechanically teaching his classes and going through the motions, not feeling any of his previous excitement for his chosen field of study. And he'd lost weight, enough so that Jim had noticed and was shoving food at him every chance he got. But he had no more interest in eating than he did in school.

Today, he was doing some shopping, picking up a few things they needed at the loft. At first, he had thought about moving out. But he knew he couldn't do that. Even though it seemed like he didn't, Jim still needed help managing his senses. And as long as Jim needed him, he'd stay. This morning, he noticed that they were almost out of the special laundry detergent, the only one he'd found that wouldn't raise hives on the sentinel's sensitive skin. He hadn't felt like making the trip clear across town to get it, but they needed it and Jim had to be in court all day. So, he'd managed to drag himself out of the loft and to the store.

He'd almost reached the specialty shop, when he thought he spotted Jim. Thinking he must be mistaken, he stopped to take a closer look and the breath caught in his throat as his chest tightened painfully. It was indeed Jim. Jim, who wasn't into guys, who couldn't return his love because of it, was standing on the sidewalk outside a very exclusive, expensive restaurant. And he was kissing someone. A man. Passionately.

As he watched, Jim pulled back and placed two more, gentler kisses on the dark-haired, tall man's lips. A sob threatened to escape when he saw the look of love and tenderness that Jim bestowed upon the unknown man. He was so surprised, so shocked, that he didn't even wonder about Jim being so demonstrative, so affectionate, towards the man in public and in full view of everyone passing by. Tears of betrayal and hurt stung his eyes and he brushed at his face to clear them. Then, before he could be spotted, he turned and ran away.

***

Jim stiffened as he thought he heard a familiar sound. Looking around, he didn't see anything though.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

He shook his head and turned his attention back to the man in his arms. "Oh, nothing. For a minute there, I just thought." Staring into the inquisitive face, he smiled. "Forget it, I'm sure it was nothing, Chad."

"If you say so." Chad smiled back at him. "So, what about tonight? Are we still on for the Jags game?"

"I don't know." Jim shrugged. "I kind of wanted to hang close to the loft tonight."

"It's him again, isn't it?" Chad disentangled himself from Jim's arms. "When are you going to stop feeling so guilty? You've done nothing wrong. It's not your fault if you don't love him back. He's just going to have to accept it and move on. This is his problem, not yours."

Jim clenched his jaw. "Sandburg has put up with a lot of shit over the years and he's been there when I needed him. He's hurting right now because of me and I can't just let him suffer through this alone."

"Did you ever think that having you around constantly might be doing him more harm than good?" Chad softly asked. "Think about it, Jim. Seeing you, having you show how you care about him, that's got to be tearing him up, not to mention confusing the hell out of him. Maybe you should just back off, give him some space. He needs some time, time without you hovering over him, to get over this."

"Maybe you're right. I just don't know what to do here. I hate seeing him hurting like this. And knowing that I'm the one that did it to him. it's tough."

"I know." Chad kissed Jim lightly on the lips. "I think you could use a break too. That's why you need to come to the Jags game with me tonight. We can go out, have a good time, and not think of anything else. Then, we can go back to my place."

"Chad," Jim groaned.

"It's been forever, Jim. I want to have some time alone with you. I want you."

"What time do you want me to pick you up?"

"Five," Chad answered. "And plan on spending the night, okay?"

"But -"

Chad reached up and covered Jim's lips with his fingertips. "Not a word, Jim. I want you all to myself tonight. We need tonight. You know we do."

"Okay." But even as he agreed, Jim couldn't help but worry about Blair spending the night alone. And he couldn't shake the memory of the familiar sound that had caught his attention moments earlier. Unable to suppress the feeling that the two were connected somehow, he shivered.

***

The moment Jim entered the loft, he knew something was. different. He just couldn't figure out what had changed. He looked towards Blair's room and dialed up his hearing. Picking up the slow and steady heartbeat and the sound of keyboard keys clicking, he felt the tension, tension that he hadn't even been aware of, drain from his body. For a second, he thought about checking in on his roommate, but then Chad's words came back to him. Deciding to follow his lover's advice and give Blair some space, he instead headed for the shower.

Inside his room, Blair finished the email and sent it on its way. It was done. He'd just sent in his notice to the dean and his advisors letting them know that he had decided to change his dissertation topic. After Jim had read the first chapter of his sentinel dissertation, the older man's venomous reaction had prompted him to make subtle inquiries about the possibility of such a change. Thankfully, everyone had been supportive, and had even encouraged the decision. Now, he was finally going through with it. So, instead of sentinels, he was writing about closed societies, the very subterfuge that had allowed him to ride along with Jim in the first place. The irony didn't escape him.

Over the years, there were times when he had needed to divert any aroused suspicions, putting to rest any questions regarding his continued presence at the station. So, unbeknownst to Jim, he had actually been conducting interviews about the closed-off nature of the police department and the close-knit sub-culture prevalent within it. In doing so, he had come to a rather surprising conclusion. He'd expected there to be some interaction between the various emergency agencies, such as the police, the fire department, the paramedics, and so forth. However, he had discovered that within the tightly structured groups, there tended to be a rather prevalent, yet unspoken, non-fraternization tradition at work. Rarely did he see them socialize with each other outside of their working environment.

As an anthropologist, he'd been fascinated by it. One would assume that since they all held such intense, often dangerous, jobs that they would interact, if for no other reason than to share some of their experiences and share the burden and stress their jobs entailed. But that hadn't been the case. Even when he'd tagged along with Jim and gone out for a beer with the guys, he had noticed that the varying groups tended to stick together - cops with cops, paramedics with paramedics, and firemen with firemen. It had intrigued him so much that he'd studied the phenomenon, gathering notes and even going so far as to start writing an alternate dissertation. Now, it looked like he would get the chance to use it.

All he needed to do was hold out for a little bit longer. Just long enough to finish the already mostly completed dissertation, present it, and, hopefully, receive his PhD. He'd been working towards that goal too long to let anything, even the crushing pain he was feeling, stop him from achieving it. He could hold out until then. He had to. Then, after that, he didn't know what would happen. He knew he couldn't stay in Cascade, couldn't stay with Jim and picture him holding and caressing and kissing that other man every time he closed his eyes.
 

He shut his computer down and rubbed his eyes, suddenly very weary. He couldn't understand it. Couldn't understand why Jim had lied to
him and why Jim didn't tell him about this other man -- the man that he obviously was involved with. The man he. he loved. "How could you
do this to me? Why didn't you tell me the truth? Why not me, Jim?" he moaned, feeling new tears running down his face. "Why couldn't
you love me instead? What's so wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone ever love me? Want me? Oh, God, Jim, this hurts so much."

***

Jim stepped out of the shower and paused when he thought he heard something. Then he shrugged and continued on to the stairs leading to his bedroom. His steps faltered when he passed Blair's room; but he squared his shoulders and continued on past it when he detected a faint trace of salt, the lingering remnants of Blair's tears, on the air.

When he came back down the stairs a while later, he was dressed and ready for his night out with Chad. Steeling himself, he walked over to Blair's room and rapped on a pane of glass. "Chief. Sandburg, I'm going out, okay? I'll probably be in late so don't wait up or anything. I. I've got my cell phone so call if something happens. You'll. you'll be all right." He didn't know if he was trying to convince Blair or himself with the last. He waited for a few moments but received no reply. For a brief second, he raised his hand and let his palm rest against the cool glass. Then, he turned and left.

Holding his body tight, afraid he'd come apart into a million pieces and knowing that he'd never be able to pull himself together again, Blair stared at the shadowy form standing outside his room. He knew where Jim was going, who he was going to be with tonight. And he didn't trust himself to speak without breaking down, screaming and yelling his pain and betrayal for all to hear.

So, he remained silent, dying a little bit more on the inside. When Jim finally moved away and he heard the front door close, he went back to his computer and booted it up again. He had to get finished. He had to get out of the loft, away from Cascade and away from Jim as soon as possible. Before he lost his hold on his fraying nerves and sanity altogether.

***

There, it was finally done. Blair picked up the final bunch of printed papers and set them on top of the high stack already sitting on his desk. He stretched, hands going to the small of his back, and looked at the clock. Three am. Sighing, he sat down at his desk and looked around his office. The shelves were mostly bare. He'd already packed up most of his belongings and returned everything else to the various departments and people he'd borrow them from.

Over the past month, he'd been in his office day and night, only leaving to take a hurried shower at the loft and change clothes before dashing off to teach his classes. He'd long since stopped going to the station, convinced that Jim no longer needed him there, a belief enforced when the detective had quickly stopped pressing him about it, no longer asking when Blair would be coming in again. At first, the other detectives had stopped by. Simon, Joel, Megan, all of them had come to see him, asking what was wrong. But he'd been withdrawn and quiet and eventually the visits had ceased. In all honestly, that had hurt more than Blair cared to admit -- realizing that he really didn't belong in their world and that his absence was something easily accepted.

But none of that mattered now. Soon he'd be gone. A distant memory, easily forgotten. Jim and his. his lover would be free to be together. Life at the station would go on as normal. All without him. Not needed. Not wanted.

He rubbed his eyes, determined not to cry again. He'd already shed enough tears. But the pain, the deep-seated ache, was still there. Ever present. It served him right though. He'd forgotten the most important lesson his mother had taught him. He allowed himself to get comfortable, to settle down. If he'd just done what he should have, remained detached, viewed Jim as only a research subject, none of this would have happened.

But he hadn't. Instead, he'd allowed himself to think of the loft as his home until Jim had kicked him out. And he'd gotten attached. Very attached. He'd been unable to think of Jim as simply a research subject from almost the start. How could he? When he'd been given a glimpse into the man's heart, his soul?

How could he not fall in love with a man like Jim Ellison? But he had also let himself believe that that love was returned, that Jim held a special place in his heart for him as well. After Alex, after seeing the woman who killed him cradled in the arms of the man he loved, he still allowed himself to believe that, thinking that it was just instinct and not love.

Now, though, he knew that he didn't have Jim's heart. And he never would. He'd been fooling himself all along, fooling himself into thinking that someone like Jim could ever love someone like him. He had learned that lesson all too well. Even now the images came to mind. Jim, with his arms wrapped around the unknown man. Jim, kissing and caressing the unknown man so gently, with so much love and tenderness.

A sob rose in his throat and he choked it back down. Just a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer. The mantra had been his salvation over the past few weeks and now he repeated it to himself again.

***

Jim punched his pillow and turned over onto his back. Sleep hadn't been coming easily the past few weeks. Though he was reluctant to admit it to himself, he missed the lulling sound of Blair's heartbeat; its presence normally allowing him to drift off into a contented sleep. But it had been absent of late, its owner rarely around anymore.

More than once, he thought about pressing Blair about it. But every time he brought up the idea to Chad, his lover managed to talk him out of it. But as the days had passed into weeks, a deep ache had settled into his gut. And into his heart as well. He missed the younger man. Missed his constant chatter. Missed his smile. He just missed Blair.

Hoping to appease the dull ache, he'd spent more time with Chad. At first, it had helped. But no longer. Now, even nights spent making passionate love with Chad failed to help. In the mornings, he always got up and was disappointed to come home and not find Blair at the loft, ready with a cup of coffee and a smile.

Once, he tried to discuss it with Simon but he lost his nerve. Jim had a suspicion that Simon was aware of his preferences, but he still wasn't ready to come out to his friend and captain. Not because he thought it would affect their relationship; he knew it wouldn't. Simon was one of the least bigoted or prejudicial people Jim knew. It was his own deep-seeded doubts and insecurities that kept him from doing it. Although he'd looked at men before, had allowed himself to appreciate and admire their attractiveness, Chad was the first man he'd ever been with. They'd met shortly after the whole mess with Alex during a case Jim had been working on alone. Without Blair.

Jim had been restless, unable to let go of the tension and frustration created by the appearance of the other sentinel. For a while, he thought he might turn to Blair. Since that day at the fountain, the younger man had frequently been on his mind. And in his dreams. But before Jim could act, Blair had gotten sick. Another ramification from his encounter with Alex at Rainier. By the time Blair had recovered, he'd seemed distant, often short-tempered and easily angered.

Jim hadn't confronted Blair about it, his own guilt staying his words. He knew he was to blame for Blair's emotional state and he didn't want to burden the younger man with his feelings on top of what he was going through. He wished that he had. Wished that he'd expressed his love. Now, he was bound to Chad, his own sense of honor and duty keeping him with a man that he now realized he didn't love and keeping him from the one that he did.

Growling softly, Jim threw aside the covers and padded downstairs. He took up his customary stance by the balcony doors, overlooking his city, without the comforting presence of his guide at his side.

***

Jim was surprised when he walked into the loft and found Blair sitting quietly on the couch. He hung up his jacket and tossed his keys into the basket before hesitantly heading over to his roommate. "Hey." The greeting sounded strained and he winced. "Didn't expect to find you here." He cringed when he realized how his words must have sounded. "I meant. Well, it's just that you've been gone so much that I." He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Sitting there, Blair looked so vulnerable. So lost. All Jim wanted to do was gather him into his arms and never let go again. But he knew that wasn't an option. He was with Chad now. Besides, he realized that despite Blair's declaration of love, too much had passed between the two of them. Too much for there to ever be anything more than friendship between them. And as much as he wanted to, he couldn't go back and erase all the hurt feelings and misunderstandings. 

Blair shrugged, unaware of Jim's inner dilemma. "Finally finished." He didn't elaborate and Jim didn't ask any questions. If the detective had, he might have found out that he was now looking at Doctor Blair Sandburg. Blair had received word just today. He'd gotten his PhD -- he'd also been offered a full-time teaching job at Rainier. If things had been different, he would have been surprised and overjoyed by the offer. But, instead, he'd turned it down. He didn't know where he'd go or what he'd do, but he knew he couldn't stay in Cascade. Not letting his inner dilemma show either, he asked, "You going out tonight?"

"Um. yeah." Jim had made plans with Chad earlier, thinking that Blair wouldn't be at the loft. Now, he was torn. Did he stay at home, making things even harder for Blair and himself? Or did he go to Chad's and seek comfort in the welcoming embrace, though it wasn't Chad's arms he wanted to be in tonight. The decision was made when Blair wrapped his arms even tighter around himself, seeming to shut Jim, and the world, out. "I probably won't be back until tomorrow."

"Whatever." Blair tried to appear indifferent, but inside it was a completely different story. Even with his arms wrapped around himself, he couldn't stop the chill that ran through him.

"I also wanted to let you know that I'm going to be gone this weekend." Jim averted his eyes, staring out the window. "There's this old buddy of mine coming into town and -"

"It's all right," Blair interrupted. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. You're going to be gone. It's as simple as that. Hope you and your . buddy . have a good time."

Jim couldn't help noticing the way Blair had stressed that one word. A thought began to take shape in the back of his mind. For a split second, he wondered if somehow Blair knew about Chad. Then he dismissed that thought. There was no way he could know. Jim had been pretty careful, especially since that night. "Yeah, well, thanks."

As Jim went up to his room, Blair surreptitiously stared after the older man. He now knew when he was going to make his escape. Knowing that even now Jim would still demand an explanation, demand to know why he was leaving, Blair had been dreading the inevitable confrontation. Now, he could avoid it altogether. When Jim returned from his little weekend away, he'd be gone.

He didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. Even now there was still a part of him that wished Jim would suddenly declare his love, tell him that he was the only one he wanted, that this other man, this unknown man, was out of his life for good. Maybe if Jim knew he was leaving, if his departure was something Jim had to confront, had to face, then he would realize that he really loved him.

On the other hand, it could be the very thing Jim wanted -- Blair gone so that he'd no longer have to hide his relationship. He'd be free to move his lover into the loft, into their home. If that were true, Blair knew he'd never be able to deal with it. If he just left, he could hang onto his illusion that Jim really did care about him. Deep down. If he had that, if he could cling to that, then maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to make it through this.

He grabbed one of the pillows, hugging it to his chest, and began to rock slightly. Everything was so confused. He couldn't make sense of anything anymore. His feelings, his emotions, they were like a storm raging inside of him. Before, Jim had always been there for him, been the one to help him weather the storm until it passed. But now, that safe harbor was gone. And he was adrift. Lost and alone with no shore in sight.

As he sat there, listening to Jim moving around upstairs, the answer suddenly came to him. There had been someone before. One other person who'd been able to calm him, been able to shelter him. But would he still be welcome? Still be accepted? Would this one sanctuary still be open to him? Blair prayed that it would.  Because he knew that it was his only chance at finding some measure of peace. 

***

Over the next few days, while Jim was gone at work, Blair began packing up his belongings in his room. Jim never came in there anymore, he didn't noticed anything amiss. Most of it he boxed up and put in a storage room he'd rented. Other stuff, he gave away or tossed. He didn't want to be weighed down with a lot of things. Another lesson his mother had taught him. One he'd also forgotten. Only have enough belongings that you could pack quickly and carry easily.

It seemed all of those lessons were coming back to haunt him lately. Memories too. Each time he packed something, there seemed to be some
memory attached to it -- a memory tied to Jim, of their life together over the past few years. He didn't cry anymore, though. It seemed he was incapable of that release now. The tears dried up, used up. Just like him.

He placed the last book in the box and then taped it shut. He'd carry it down to his car in the morning. Right now, he felt drained and he knew he'd never be able to make another trip downstairs. With a sigh, he pushed the box aside and looked around the now bare room. It was Friday night. Jim would be leaving in the morning. And so would he.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as one particular memory came rushing back. It was of a time shortly after he'd moved into the loft. Larry had been returned and he and Jim had come home after a long evening on stakeout duty. Jim had flopped down on the couch while Blair had got them a beer out of the refrigerator. When he had sat down next to Jim, the detective had casually mentioned that he knew where they could pick up some inexpensive furniture for Blair's mostly empty room.

Of course, he'd insisted that it wasn't for Blair specifically, that he'd been thinking of turning the small room into a spare bedroom for a while now and this just gave him the chance to actually do it. They'd both known it was a lie, that Jim had had no such intentions. But it was the older man's way of making sure he'd be the one to pay for the furniture, not the financially strapped grad student. Blair had just smiled and nodded, suddenly feeling a warmth spread inside of him.

The next day they'd gone out and Blair couldn't help noticing that the furniture was something that he would have picked out for himself, definitely his taste and not Jim's. When he'd raised an inquisitive eyebrow, Jim, looking slightly embarrassed, had simply shrugged and said something about how it was the cheapest stuff he could find. But Blair hadn't been fooled. He had been deeply touched, so he hadn't said anything else. The relived, yet self-satisfied, look on Jim's face was accompanied by a soft, gentle smile that made the younger man's breath hitch.

Now, he looked around at that same furniture and it once again made his breath hitch. But this time it was for an entirely different reason. He reached up a hand, feeling the moisture on his cheeks, and discovered that he had a few tears left in him after all.

***

Wearily, Jim trudged up the stairs to the loft. His weekend away with Chad hadn't gone exactly as his lover had planned. Over the past weeks, having seen Blair further retreat into himself, Jim had realized he couldn't let either of them suffer any longer. He'd decided to finally tell Blair of his love, that he wanted them to try to have a relationship together. And he'd only agreed to the weekend away with Chad in order to break up with him. But he never could have predicted his lover's reaction.

Chad had rented a cabin for the weekend; one Jim normally would have loved, if he'd been there with Blair. Their first day there, when Chad had cooked dinner that night and then lit a fire, Jim had been eerily reminded of that night with Blair, when the younger man had declared his love. Uneasy because of the similar scene, Jim had decided to waste no time in telling Chad.

So, before they could sit down to dinner, Jim had drawn him over to the couch. When they were seated side by side, Jim had . albeit haltingly . told Chad everything. That he realized he was really in love with Blair and that he couldn't continue seeing him any longer. A few tense moments had passed in silence and then Chad had erupted, his anger a palpable presence in the cabin.

Stunned, Jim had sat there while Chad jumped up from the couch, yelling and screaming. Things had quickly escalated into violence and Jim had been forced to fight off Chad who, while screaming that Jim was his, tried to force himself on the stunned detective.

Finally, bearing several bruises and cuts, Jim had managed to subdue Chad, restraining him with his handcuffs. He'd tried to calm the other man down, but Chad had been too volatile. No knowing what else to do, Jim had called the local police and requested assistance.

When the officers had arrived, Jim showed them his badge and, though dreading their reaction, explained the situation to them. As he expected, their attitude had been less than civil. But they did arrest Chad and take him into custody. Then Jim had endured a trip to the local hospital so that his injuries could be documented before being accompanied to the station for a grueling interview.

In the end, he'd been allowed to go, after having been told the local DA would get in touch with him about the case. Now he was finally home and wanted nothing more than to take Blair into his arms and hold him close for the rest of their lives.

However, as soon as he walked into the loft, he knew something was wrong. Blair's heartbeat was absent and the loft just seemed . different . somehow. A sense of dread settling in the pit of his stomach, Jim had hung up his coat and tossed his keys in the basket. It was then, when he turned around, that he saw the envelope sitting on the table. Jaw clenched, steps heavy, he walked over and picked it up.

***

Blair put the last of the boxes in the storage room and then locked the door. That was the last of it. He picked up his backpack and duffel bag off of the floor and slung them over his shoulder. Even the scant amount he'd kept with him would have been too much in Naomi's estimation. But he honestly couldn't bring himself to part with anything in either bag.

With a sigh, he walked over to his Volvo and climbed inside. Just a couple more stops and he'd be gone. That morning, he'd made himself scarce and hadn't been there when Jim left for his weekend away. He knew it'd been the cowardly thing to do, but he just couldn't bring himself to face the older man, knowing where he was going to be spending his weekend . and who he'd be spending it with.

So, he'd fled, staying away until he was sure Jim would be gone. When he'd returned to the empty loft, he'd felt such a sense of loss, knowing that he'd never see Jim again. It took him awhile to write the letter but he'd finally managed it. Then, before he could tear it up and start a new one, he'd put it in an envelope and placed in on the table.  Without a look back, he'd walked out of the loft and away from the only home he'd ever known.

Hands clenching the steering wheel, Blair pulled away from the storage rental place. His first stop was the station. Not wanting to risk going up to Major Crimes, he'd left the box with the desk sergeant. Unlike some of the other police officers, the man had never given him any trouble and had always been friendly, so Blair knew the letters would reach Simon and the others.

That done, he next went to his mechanic. The man had often inquired about buying his beloved car and this time Blair wouldn't disappoint him. Fifteen minutes after he arrived, he'd left minus one car but one thousand dollars richer. He'd already cleaned out his bank account and canceled his credit cards. He was free.

When he got to the bus stop, he was lucky enough to find a bus leaving soon, it's destination close to his own. So, now, he was sitting in his seat, Cascade growing smaller and smaller in the distance as he left it, and Jim, behind.

***

Jim had just finished reading Blair's letter when someone knocked on the door. At first, he considered ignoring it, but then Simon's loud, "Open up, Ellison, I know you're there," sounded.  Folding the letter, he hastily shoved it in his pocket and went over to the door.

"Yes, sir?"

"Cut the 'sir' crap." Simon pushed past Jim and walked into the loft. "Want to tell me what in the hell is going on here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Sandburg," Simon explained. "This afternoon, Sergeant Murphy came up to the bullpen and dropped off a box that Sandburg had left with him. It was full of letters to everyone. Goodbye letters. What's going on, Jim? Where's Sandburg?"

"I wish I knew, Simon."

Simon had gone over to Blair's doorway and was staring into the empty room. Hearing the defeated tone, he turned towards his detective. It was then that he noticed Jim's condition. "Hell, Jim, what happened to you?" Concerned, he walked over to the other man. "Are you okay?"

"It's a long story, Simon."

"Does it have to do with why Sandburg has apparently left?"

"Yeah, it does."

Simon sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Then I guess you should start at the beginning, huh?"

Instead of answering right away, Jim walked over to the balcony doors. Once his back was to Simon, he finally began to speak. Several long moments later, when he finally finished, he braced himself as he waited for his friend's reaction. And though he didn't have to wait long, the reaction he got wasn't exactly the one he had been expecting. When he felt a hand come to rest on his shoulder, he looked over into two very concerned, brown eyes.

"You're okay, aren't you? They checked you over good at the hospital?"

"Yeah, they did. Other than some bruises and scrapes, I'm okay."

"Thank God." The relieved tone quickly gave way to anger though. "What in the hell were you thinking anyway? Putting yourself in a situation like that? You know better."

"I know, I know." Jim ran a hand over his face. "But I swear, Simon, I never thought he'd get violent like that. I mean, sure he could be possessive sometimes, but I never saw any indications that he would react like that. But I don't want to think about that right now. Blair is gone, Simon. He's gone. And it's all my fault."

"Jim -"

"A while ago, I came home and he told me that he loved me, Simon. That he wanted us to be together. But I was already with Chad by then. And, damn it, I just didn't think Blair and I could get past everything that's happened between us. So... so I told him I didn't share his feelings. That I didn't love him the same way he loved me. But that was a lie. I do love him. I have for a while now, even though I couldn't admit it, not even to myself. But now I've fucked everything up and he's gone. I've lost him, Simon. I've lost him."

Unable to bear the agony he could see in Jim's face, Simon did the only thing he could think of -- he pulled Jim into a hug and held on tight even when his friend tried to escape the embrace. His own eyes watering, he could think of nothing to say when Jim finally broke down and started crying -- the release doing nothing to ease the pain Jim was feeling.

***

The strap of his duffel bag dug heavily into his shoulder as Blair walked down the street. He knew he should have called first instead of just showing up like this, but for some reason he just couldn't make himself do it. It'd been a while since they'd seen each other and, although they had parted on good terms, he still wasn't sure of the welcome he'd receive. He knew how time apart - distance - could change, put a strain on even the best of friendships

Pulling himself together, he went up to the front door and knocked. Moments later, it opened, revealing a rather petite woman with blondish-brown hair. She was busy digging around in the bag slung over her shoulder and hadn't looked up when she opened the door.

"It's about time you got here, I." Trailing off as she finally looked up at her visitor, her eyes widened in shock. Then, a heartbeat later, a large grin appeared on her face. "Blair!"

Smiling, Blair dropped his duffel bag to the ground and opened his arms just as she threw herself against him. "Hey, Janet," he greeted as he hugged her to his chest. "Guess this means you're glad to see me."

Pulling back, Janet smiled and reached over to slap Blair on the arm. "Are you kidding?" Then, she hugged him again, squeezing hard, and he let out a small grunt.

"Whoa, somebody's been working out."

Chuckling, she released him, taking a step back to look Blair over. "Well, you certainly look terrible."

"Gee, thanks, Janet. You always knew how to make a guy feel special."

They shared a smile, but then Janet turned serious, reaching out to cup Blair's face in her hands. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Something's happened. I can see it in your eyes."

Blair shrugged. "I got my PhD," he offered.

Janet rolled her eyes, familiar with his tactic of trying to divert her attention. "Great news, hon. Now, tell me what's going on with you."

"I just. I just needed to get away from Cascade for a while. I know I should have told you I was coming, but I. I guess I wasn't thinking. I needed to go somewhere I'd be welcome. No questions. No conditions. And the first person I thought of was you."

Janet studied him for several long moments, concern evident in her eyes. "You're always welcome with me, hon. You know that. You can stay here as long as you need. And you don't have to give me any explanations. At least, not until you're ready."

"Thanks, Janet."

She smiled at the relief she heard in his voice. "Why don't you -"

"Janet!" A male voice, tinged with concern, called out, interrupting her. "Everything okay here?"

Leaning around Blair, Janet smiled as she saw the young, brown-haired man walking up the sidewalk. "Daniel, come here. There's someone I want you to meet."

Blair turned to see the new arrival.

"Hi," Daniel greeted as he walked up to them.

"Hey," Blair nodded.

"Daniel Jackson, this is Blair Sandburg. Blair, this is Daniel. I work with him." Janet made the introductions.

"Oh, you're a doctor?" Blair asked.

"Well, yeah, but not a medical one. I've got my PhD in archeology. Though my main body of work is in linguistics."

"Really?" There was a surprised look on Blair's face. "So how does your work tie into Janet's?"

Janet and Daniel exchanged a look, knowing that they couldn't reveal any details of the Stargate project. "Um. well."

"Blair, we're about to go to a little get together. Want to come along?" Janet spoke up, rescuing Daniel. She smiled when she saw the grateful look Daniel gave her.

"Sure, I guess." Blair looked between the two of them, knowing that something had passed between them.

"Great. Let's just put your stuff in here and then get going."

***

Blair looked at the people around him. He never would have thought that Janet would be associating with military personnel. Nonetheless, here she was, laughing and smiling at something Colonel Jack O'Neill had said. Not to mention the fact that they were in a General's house.

When they'd arrived at the two-story, well-maintained home, Janet and Daniel had led the way to the front door, which was opened by an older, balding man with a soft Texas twang to his voice. Janet had introduced him as General George Hammond and Blair couldn't prevent the stunned expression on his face. He'd recovered quickly though and greeted the General.

Janet had grabbed his arm, escorting him inside, and introduced him to the others. The Colonel, a blonde woman, Major Samantha 'Sam' Carter, and a large, muscular, eerily quiet dark-skinned man named Teal'c. He'd stammered out a 'hello', not entirely sure he was comfortable in their company.

But, as time passed, he'd found himself growing more and more at ease with the group. Automatically, he felt a sense of acceptance with them that he'd never really felt with the group of Major Crimes detectives, even after years of riding along with Jim. All of them, even the reserved Teal'c, had gone out of their way to come up and talk with him - trying to get to know him. Despite the fact that they were strangers, they'd made a point to include him in their conversations - bringing up topics that he could join in on as well. It had taken him a while to earn the right to be included at Major Crimes - to be invited out for a beer with the gang and to the poker games. Yet these people had no such reservations about accepting him - about welcoming him into their midst. They did it simply because he was a friend of Janet's.

"Hey," a soft voice intruded upon Blair's musings. "Thought you could use one of these."

Blair looked down at the beer being held in front of him and then up into the face of Daniel Jackson. "Thanks," he said as he accepted the bottle.

"You're welcome."

The two men stood in silence, though it was a comfortable one.

Finally, Daniel spoke up. "So, Janet tells me you just got your PhD in anthropology."

"Yeah."

"What was your dissertation about?"

"Oh, closed societies, that type of thing. It dealt with the various emergency departments . fire, paramedics, p... police ... and their interaction, or lack thereof, with each other."

"Sounds interesting." Daniel had noted Blair's hesitation when he mentioned the police. "So I guess you got to know them pretty well, huh?"

"I. um. I rode with a police detective for a couple of years."

"Really? Must have been hard - getting them to accept you, I mean."

Blair shrugged. "It wasn't that bad."

"So who was this detective you rode with?"

Before answering, Blair took a drink of his beer. "Um. J. Jim. Jim Ellison." When Daniel started to say something, Blair cut him off. "So what kind of work do you do?"

"I can't really tell you. It's the top-secret kind. We're not supposed to talk about it."

"Ah, secrets." Blair's eyes were haunted. "I've had my fair share of keeping those."

Daniel could hear the pain in Blair's voice and decided to change the subject. "So how do you know Janet?"  He was relieved when the sad look disappeared and a smile lit up Blair's face.

"It was while she was doing her residency actually. I was brought into the ER - there was an . accident." The smile disappeared, replaced by a frown again. "She treated me. We. um. we got to talking and kept in contact afterwards. Plus I. I had to go to the ER again a few times and it seemed like she was always there."

"That's an awful lot of trips to the hospital," Daniel observed.

Blair shrugged. "I guess."

"So, what, are you just clumsy or something?"

"Or something," Blair muttered.

Daniel raised his eyebrow, curious, wanting to press the issue -- find out more about the young man who seemed so similar to him. But he could tell that this was another issue that Blair didn't want to talk about. "How long are you planning on staying in Colorado?"

"Don't know. Guess until Janet gets tired of me and kicks me to the
curb."

"You know that will never happen, hon." Janet smiled as she walked up to the two men. "And just what are my two favorite 'ologists doing over here in the corner anyway?" She slipped an arm around one of theirs --- Daniel on the right, Blair on the left. "This is supposed to be a party. So, let's go. Eat, drink and be merry and all that."

"She's a bossy little thing, isn't she?" Daniel asked over Janet's head.

"Yeah, but that's why we love her so much."

All three laughed as they went to join the others.



*Three Months Later*

Wearily, Jim loosened his tie as he walked into the loft. Like every time he entered his home, he couldn't stop the momentary surprise at discovering no traces of Blair inside.

Today had been a hell of a day and he really could have used Blair's support. Chad's hearing had been this afternoon and it hadn't gone well - his former lover was denying all the charges, claiming that he and Jim had been 'role-playing' and acting out a kink of his, not Chad's.

The judge had been one he'd appeared in front of before - and the man didn't like him at all. So Chad had just received an admonishment and warned to stay away from him. No counseling, no jail time, no punishment at all. As they'd walked out of the courtroom, he had seen the look Chad had given him and knew that he hadn't heard the last of him.

His colleagues had been less than supportive after finding out what had happened and work had been a nightmare of late. Only Simon had been supportive, but Jim didn't expect him to be able to end all of the harassment - so he'd just suffered in silence. But he didn't have anyone to blame but himself. If only he'd told Blair how he felt - before Chad had come into his life. But it was too late now. All he had left was his regrets - and a broken heart.

Jim sighed when the phone rang and at first considered ignoring it. His answering machine was currently in about a hundred pieces - shortly after Blair had left, he'd heard his ex-roommate's voice playing after the machine had picked up. Temporarily overcome by a fit of rage - mainly at himself - he'd destroyed it. But thinking it might be about a case, he went over and answered. "Hello."

Silence greeted him. "Hello? Is anybody there? Who is it? Say something!" With a growl, he slammed the phone down, thinking that it was probably Chad trying to harass him.

***

With a sigh, Blair gently placed the receiver down.

"What am I going to do with you, hon?" Janet asked from across the room.

"Um. fix me one of your super banana splits with hot fudge, whipped cream, nuts and sprinkles?"

"Blair -"

"Aw, come on, Janie. Please," Blair pouted.

"All right. Just as long as you."

".don't call you Janie in front of the gang," Blair finished with her. "Yeah, I know. Of course, one of these days I might just accidentally slip and call you that in front of Daniel."

"And, of course, one of these days I might just accidentally slip and shave your head while you sleep."

He shuddered theatrically. "Oh, I'm sooo scared."

"Brat," she laughed. Then, Janet turned serious. "I mean it, Blair. You really should actually say something. I'm sure he's missing you just as much as you miss him."

"I don't think so. Besides, he has his boyfriend to keep him company."

She came over and sat down beside him, squeezing into the armchair. "You love him, Blair. I know you do. I can see it in your face when you talk about him. Give the man a call and this time open your damn mouth and talk."

"When is Daniel coming over?"

"Oh, no, you don't. You're not changing the subject on me." She reached across him and picked up the phone. "Now, do you want to dial the numbers or should I do it for you?"

Grumbling, he took the phone from her and started punching the numbers.

"Good boy." She patted his head as she stood up.

***

Jim let out a frustrated sigh when the phone rang again. "Ellison." Again, there was only silence. He was getting ready to hang up when he thought he heard something. "Is someone there?"

"J. Jim?"

It was a voice he'd recognize anywhere. "Blair."

"Um. hi."

"Where are you? Are you okay? Is everything all right? Do you need help? Are you coming back? Well, say something!"

"Whoa, hold up a minute and I will." There was a grin in Blair's voice. "I. I just missed you. Wanted to call and see how you're doing . hear your voice."

"Oh, God, Blair, you don't know how good it is to hear your voice." Jim sagged down onto the couch. "Look, let me say something, all right?"

"Jim -"

"Just let me talk. Please."

"Okay."

Pausing, Jim tried to pull himself together - hearing Blair's voice had shaken him up. "First, I just want to say that I've missed you. So much more than you could ever know. I. I love you, Blair. I want to be with you. Please come back. Or tell me where you are and I'll come to you."
 

"You love me?"

Jim winced at the shout.  "Yes, I do. I'm in love with you."

"And what about your boyfriend?"

"How -"

"I saw you. Shortly before I left, I saw you and that. that guy."

"I. I was involved with someone, Blair, but it's over now. I realized that it's you I want to be with - it's you that I love. Please, Blair, just let me see you in person. Explain things. I know I don't deserve it - not after the way I treated you, the way I hurt you - but please give me a second chance. Give us a second chance."

"I. I."

"Please, Blair."

"Colorado. I'm in Colorado."

"Just tell me where to come and I'll be on the next flight out."

"Okay."

As Jim listened to Blair -- jotting down a name and address - he felt a sense of peace settle over him - something that had been missing ever since a certain long-haired anthropologist had walked out of his life.

***

Gently, Blair hung up the phone and then looked up into Janet's expectant face.

"Well?"

"He's coming. He's. he's not involved with that guy anymore - said that he loves me. He wants us to be together."

"Oh, Blair, that's wonderful." The smile left Janet's face when she saw that Blair didn't seem to be happy. "What?"

"I just. I just don't know if we'll be able to get past everything that's happened."

"You can and you will," Janet insisted. "I know you, Blair. I always knew that once you finally gave your heart to someone, it'd be forever. Of course, I never expected you to give your heart to an ex-Ranger, police detective, but there's no controlling love. And you know I'm there for you, hon. No matter what."

In the silence following Janet's words, a knock sounded.

"That'll be Daniel," Blair said. "You better go let him in."

***

Leaning back in his seat, Daniel studied the man sitting across from him. "Okay, give. What happened?"

Blair didn't look up from the papers spread out between them. "What are you talking about?"

"You've been distracted all evening," Daniel stated. "Normally, when I bring some markings or rubbings over for you to look at, you're so
excited you bounce all over the place. But not tonight. Why?"

Taking off his glasses, Blair rubbed his eyes. "I called Jim tonight."

"Ah."

"What does that mean?"

"What?"

"That 'ah'."

"Typically, 'ah' means 'ah'."

"Don't be a smart ass, Daniel."

"Takes one to know one, Blair."

They both smiled and then laughed.

"Thanks, man, I needed that."

"I could tell. So is he coming?"

"Yeah, he is. Says he wants to work things out - for us to be together."

"What about that guy you saw him with?"

"Apparently, that's over. Jim said he realized that it's me that he wants to be with."

"And what about you? How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know." Blair stood up and began to pace. "I love him, Daniel. I think some part of me will always love him. But I just don't know if we can make it work. Not after everything that's happened between us."

Silently, Daniel walked up behind Blair, surprising the younger man when he turned around. He put his hands on Blair's shoulders to steady him. "You still have to give it a try though. You know that. If you don't, you'll always regret it - always wonder 'what if'."

"I know you're right. I guess I'm just. just scared."

"Of what?"

"Of. of him changing his mind - of him deciding that he really doesn't want me after all. I don't know if I could take that, Daniel."

"Blair, I'd like to think that we've become pretty good friends over the past few months -"

"We have, Daniel."

"We're a whole lot alike and I can understand what you're going through. But I really believe that it will work out between the two of you. After all, how could he not want to be with you? How could he not love you?"

Blair looked down, averting his eyes.

Daniel reached down and gently tilted his chin upward. "It'll be okay. And don't forget, you've always got me. No matter what, I'll be here for you."

Smiling, Blair shook his head. "You and Janet, you guys are gonna spoil me. I. I'm not used to this. To people being so. so." Trailing off, Blair shook his head. "Thanks."

Pulling Blair to him, Daniel hugged him briefly and then let him go with a slap to his back. "Now that we've got all the mushy stuff done, how about we get back to those markings?"

"Mushy stuff? Man, I think you've been hanging around Jack too long."

They both laughed and went back over to the table.

Once there, Blair put his glasses back on and picked up the paper he'd been looking at. "I think these look familiar," he said, showing it to Daniel. "I know I've seen something similar before, but I just can't remember where. Man, I wish you could tell me where you found them - or that I could see them myself." He sighed and held up his hand when Daniel started to speak. "I know, I know. Top secret stuff. I understand, but it's driving me nuts. I need to get on my computer, see what I can find."

"All right. I'll leave these here with you. I've got to get going," Daniel stood. "We've got a mis. I have an early morning tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah, like I haven't heard that before. Go on, get outta here."

"I might be out of touch for a few days, but I'll give you a call when I can, okay?"

"Sure. Maybe I'll have something for you by then."

"Sounds good." Daniel started to leave when Blair called out to him. 

"Hey, wherever you're going, whatever you're going to do, you be careful, you hear? And tell everyone else the same."

"All right, Blair. 'Night."

Blair gave Daniel a small wave and a smile.

***

Shutting the door, Jim picked up his suitcase. Turning, he found himself face to face with Chad. "What are you doing here?"

"Jim, I came to say I'm sorry. I know we can -" Chad came to a halt when he saw the suitcase Jim carried. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"None of your business."

When Jim moved to pass Chad, he reached out and grabbed Jim's arm. "No, you don't. You're not going anywhere." His eyes narrowed. "It's that little bitch, isn't it? What? He finally got in touch with you and you're going to go crawling back to him, aren't you? I don't know who is worse. You're pathetic, you know that?"

Jim threw off Chad's hold and again tried to pass by him. When the other man moved to block his way again, Jim lost control. With his free hand, he grabbed Chad around the throat and slammed him up against the wall.

"What are you going to do? You can't touch me and you know it. I had that judge eating out of the palm of my hand. Oh, and don't think I don't know what your buddies down at the station are saying. Tell me something. How does it feel to have them all know that you're a fag?" Chad laughed, a sneer twisting his features into an ugly mask.

Jim just stared at him, wondering, not for the first time, how he could have ever believed that he loved Chad - that he had actually chosen him over Blair. "I've been a fucking idiot," he muttered.

Leaning close to Chad, he raised his voice. "I'm only going to tell you this once. It's over between us. I want you to stay the hell away from me and stay the hell away from Sandburg." He squeezed Chad's throat - just hard enough to get his point across but not hard enough to bruise. "Understand?"

His eyes bugging out, Chad grabbed Jim's hand. "Get your fucking hands off of me," he gasped out.

"I mean it. Stay away! You come near me -- or Sandburg -- again and I'll kill you." With that, Jim let him go.

"You won't get rid of me so easily."

"Oh no?" Jim purred. "Because of you, I fucked up the only good thing that's ever happened to me. Now, thanks to Blair, I've got a second chance. And I'm not going to let anybody or anything get in my way."

Seeing that Jim meant what he was saying and remembering how easily the other man had subdued him - rather painfully, in fact - that night, Chad finally backed down. He wanted a relationship where he was the one in control - the one with all the power. And that was something he'd never have with Jim - no matter how much he wanted to believe that he could dominate the other man, he finally realized that Jim would never allow it. Cowardly, he lowered his eyes.

Sensing Chad's capitulation, Jim backed away. Keeping his eyes on Chad, he retreated down the hallway.

***

Stepping off of the airplane, Jim braced himself for the chaotic airport - dialing down all of his senses. In his one hand, he gripped his suitcase. With his other hand, he patted his pocket, making sure the paper - the information Blair had given him written on it - was still there.

Walking outside, he hailed the first cab his saw and climbed inside. After giving the driver the address, he leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. A sense of anticipation - mixed with a fair amount of nervousness - filled him. He wanted to see Blair again - so much that it actually hurt - but he still wasn't sure of the welcome he'd receive. He only hoped that Blair wouldn't end up turning him away.

***

"Where are you going?" Blair asked when he saw Janet head for the front door.

"Out," Janet answered. "And I won't be back until late. All I ask is that you don't do too much damage. All those suppressed feelings finally getting expressed - I imagine it's going to get pretty . intense . in here. Lord, I hope the neighbors don't end up calling the police. Just try to keep the screaming to a minimum - in and out of the bedroom."

"Janet!"

Laughing, she went over to give Blair a quick hug. "And don't forget to wash the sheets," she said as she squeezed him.

"You're terrible. You do know that, don't you?"

Turning serious, she pulled back and looked at him. "I know you two won't want an audience so I'm going to head out for awhile. But if anything . and I mean anything . should happen that you need me, I've got my cell phone. You give the call and I'll come running. Okay, hon?"

"Yeah." Blair nodded. "Thanks."

Janet gave him another quick hug. She let him go and then hesitated for a moment before reaching up to push some hair behind his ear. "If he hurts you again, I'm going to kick his butt."

"Still looking out for me, huh?"

"Always." Shaking her head, she smiled and then left.

***

After Janet left, Blair wandered around the house aimlessly. He put on some coffee, straightened the living room, took another short perusal of the papers Daniel had brought - before finally settling on the couch, his legs bouncing up and down as he watched the minutes slowly pass by on the clock.

He nearly jumped a foot in the air when a knock sounded. Clearing his throat - swallowing repeatedly - he got up and smoothed his hair and clothes before slowly approaching the door.

When he opened it, his breath caught as he got his first look at Jim. He could tell right away that the older man had lost some weight and there seemed to be a sadness about him. Despite everything -- despite all the hurt feelings and heartache -- Blair did the first thing that came to mind. He opened his arms to Jim.

Jim immediately dropped his suitcase to the ground and walked into Blair's arms, sighing deeply as those arms then wrapped around him - holding him close. "Oh, Blair," he breathed.

For several long moments, the two men stood there, simply holding each other.

***

"So tell me what's been going on with you," Blair requested as he handed a cup of coffee to Jim. "You look terrible, man."

Jim snorted. "No worse than you, Chief."

Closing his eyes at the nickname, Blair smiled. "I can't tell you how much I've missed hearing that."

"About as much as I've missed saying it probably." Jim took a sip of coffee then cleared his throat. "I. I'm not seeing Chad - that's his name - anymore. I broke it off that weekend - when you left. I was coming home to tell you that I wanted to give us a try. But. but you were already gone."

"Jim, I'm -"

"No, it's my fault, Blair. I should have been honest with you from the start. I know that. But. but I just didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already had. As usual, I screwed up. If only -"

"Stop it. Let's not get into blame or guilt - I think we've both got our fair share here. I just. I want to be with you, Jim, but I'm. I'm scared. I. How do I know you're not going to leave me? That you won't get up one morning and decide you really want to be with . with Chad."

"Trust me, Chief, that will never happen."

Hearing Jim's tone, Blair could tell there was a story behind his words. "What happened?"

"Blair -"

"Tell me, Jim."

Averting his eyes, Jim took a sip of coffee. For several long seconds, he hesitated. Then he told Blair what had happened between him and Chad.

"Son of a bitch!" Blair exclaimed when Jim finished. He expression and voice softened. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jim reassured him. "Really, I am."

"I can't believe that judge. Or the guys at the station. Jim, I had no idea what you were going through. You shouldn't have had to go through all of that alone. I should have called sooner - got in contact with you - and found out what was going on. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Hey, quit it," Jim softly admonished. "No blame or guilt, right? We're together now. That's all that matters."

"Yeah."

Jim looked around the living room. "So who's this Janet?" He couldn't help the note of displeasure that slipped into his voice.

"Just stop it, man. She's just a friend. A very good one. I really shouldn't have lost contact with her. But after I started riding with you . well, there just never seemed to be enough time. But when I showed up here - unannounced - she just took me in right away. She's great."

"How did you meet her?"
 

"Well, she did her residency in Cascade," Blair explained. "I was brought into the ER one night and she helped treat me. Then, when I came in a few more times, she was always there. We just kind of hit it off. There was never anything romantic between us - just friendship. She was there for me during a pretty rough time."

"Rough time?" Jim asked. "And why did you have to go to the hospital so much?"

"I was having a tough time on campus - harassment - and got beat up a few times." Seeing the look of anger appear on Jim's face, Blair said, "Hey, c'mon. It was a long time ago, Jim. Sometimes it seems like another lifetime. Anyway, that's how we met. She's been there for me ever since."

"I'm glad. Glad that you had someone like that in your life, Chief."

"I think you're really going to like her."

"Yeah, I can't wait to meet her."

There was a moment's silence, which Blair finally broke. "So, what now? Where do we go from here? I have to tell you, Jim, that I don't know if I want to go back to Cascade. I've met people here - ones I consider good friends. They've helped me, been there for me. I don't want to leave them."

"Then we'll both move to Colorado," Jim stated.

"What? You're kidding, right?"

"I'm serious, Chief." Jim paused, leaning over to set his cup down on the coffee table. "These past few months have really opened my eyes - about my life and what's important. You - you're what's important to me, Blair. I don't want to ever lose you again. And if being with you means leaving Cascade, then I don't have a problem with that. Hell, without you there, Cascade isn't. my place. my home . is with you. I know that now."

"I. I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll give me. give us. a chance."

"Yes! Of course I will."

This time it was Jim who opened his arms to Blair, and nearly had the wind knocked out of him when Blair threw himself into his arms. Finding himself nose-to-nose with the excited anthropologist, Jim did the only thing he could think of - he kissed Blair.

***

"So I take it you're Jim?"

Opening his eyes, Jim regarded the woman standing a few feet away.

After some more kissing - followed by even more kissing - Jim and Blair had settled on the couch to talk, agreeing that they needed to take their time and take things slowly, no matter how much it frustrated them. They knew they had to work on rebuilding their relationship - and figuring out how to handle this new change - before acting on their love for each other. So, they talked. And talked. Kissed. Kissed some more. Then talked again before finally falling asleep - curled up into each other's arms.

"And I guess that makes you Janet?"

"Yes, I am," she acknowledged. She looked at Blair, her expression turning tender. "He hasn't been sleeping good."

"Neither have I," Jim confessed.

"I guess the two of you have got things figured out?"

"We're working on it."

She pinned Jim with a glare. "You going to hurt him again?"

"No, I'm not," Jim vowed.

Janet could sense the sincerity in his words. "Good. But if you do, just know you'll have to deal with me. As well as some other people who've grown very fond of him over the past few months."

Jim nodded. "I understand."

"Okay, well now that we've got that out of the way." She smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Jim."

"You too, Janet."

"Will the two of you shut up?" a sleepy voice spoke up. "Some of us are trying to get some sleep."

"That's what a bed is for, hon." She smirked. "Well, that's one of the things."

Both men chuckled.

"Go on and get some sleep." Janet shooed them out of the living room.

Blair stood, followed by Jim. On the way to the bedroom, Blair stopped and hugged Janet. "Thanks, Janie."

As he watched her return the hug, Jim could see how much she cared for Blair - and he for her. Then, catching the wink she gave him, he imagined that if Blair's other friends were anything like Janet then their new life in Colorado would be pretty interesting.


*Three Weeks Later*

"You sure about this?" Jim asked after they'd taken their seats on the plane.

"For the hundredth time, yes."

"But -"

"And I don't want to hear any more arguments."

Jim quieted down.

Blair turned to face him. "Look, Jim. We've been over this and it's settled. You need to turn in your resignation and help Simon get your open cases turned over. Not to mention checking in with the DA's office to deal with any trials you're going to have to testify for. Plus you need to figure out what to do with the loft and I still have things in storage that I need to deal with. So, we go back to Cascade just long enough to tie up all the loose ends. Then we go start our new life in Colorado."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "Our new life. I like the sound of that."

"I just wonder about this 'career opportunity' that Daniel and the others want to discuss with us." Blair could see Jim bristle at the mention of the archeologist. "Jim -"

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. That's just the old throwback caveman rearing his ugly head. I. I just get a little. jealous when I see the two of you together. You seem so close and you have so much in common. I just can't help thinking -"

"He's just a friend, Jim. You're the one I love. You're the one I want to be with. He knows that and he respects it. So get over it already. Besides," Blair grinned, "I think that Daniel needs to take a closer look at a certain Colonel."

"No."

"Yeah, trust me on this. There's definitely something there. They just need a little. push. is all."

"Don't tell me you're going to play matchmaker," Jim groaned.

"Of course not." After a moment, he added, "Not by myself, at least. Janet and I are going to put our heads together after we get back - come up with a plan or two."

Jim just shook his head. Then they shared a smile and settled into their seats as the plane got ready to take off. Both of them ready to start on the next chapter of their life - together, no matter where this new path might take them.

The End