Ask

By: Kathy


"You ask him."

"No freaking way. You ask him. Besides, he likes you better than he likes me. Always has."

"Does not. And you ask him."

"Does too. And you can forget me asking him. I'm not in the mood to lose any body parts today."

"Yeah, right. Like he'd really do that right here, in the middle of the bullpen. Now get your ass over there and ask him."

"Do I need to remind you exactly WHO we are talking about here. He'll rip my arm off and beat me over the head with it. YOU GO ASK HIM."

"Okay, let's just calm down a minute here. Now, just to refresh my memory, could you remind me of just who is the senior member in this partnership? C'mon, you can say it. Let me hear it."

"You are."

"Exactly. So this means that..."

"That you should be the one getting your ass over there and asking him. As the SENIOR member of this partnership, you should take the lead and get over there and ask him already."

"Oh no, my friend. Being the senior member of this partnership means that I get to tell you what to do. So, I'm telling you, get over there and ask him."

"Can't we just flip a coin or something?"

"No."

"Paper, rock, scissors?"

"No."

"I'll buy your lunch for a week."

"No."

"A month."

"No."

"I'll do your paperwork for a month."

"Tempting, but no."

"C'mon. There has to be something I can do, something you want. Don't send me over there. Where's your loyalty to your partner?"

"There's nothing you can do and there's nothing I want. Well, except maybe a date with that new clerk in records. But, I doubt even you could charm her into going out with me."

"Hey, you never know. I can give it a try. In fact, I think I'll go do that while you go ask him."

"Hold it right there. Did you honestly think I would fall for that? Exactly how stupid do I look? And no, I don't want you to answer that."

"Could I? Please? I really would LOVE to answer that question."

"Shut up."

"Well, you don't have to be that way."

"Sorry."

"Apology accepted. But, you really hurt my feelings there."

"I SAID I was sorry."

"I'm hurt here, my friend. Really, really hurt."

"Oh, for the love of.... All right, what can I do to make it up to you?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"Just spit it out already, would ya?"

"All right, you've forced it out of me. If you really want to make it up to me, you can...."

"Yeah, what?"

"GET OVER THERE AND ASK HIM."

"I'm sorry. But I'm not THAT sorry. I mean, you know, you're my partner and my friend. But that only goes so far. Besides, I don't really want to know. It's not like I need to know or anything. In fact, I'm perfectly happy NOT knowing."

"Liar."

"No, I'm serious. Now, if YOU want to know, I certainly won't stop you from going over there and asking him."

"You really don't want to know?"

"No."

"Seriously?"

"NO, I said. But, of course, if you DO happen to go over there and ask him, I wouldn't stop you from sharing the information with me."

"Uh huh."

"Yeah. I mean after all, you are my partner. And partners share right?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Partners share?"

"Yes, dammit."

"Well, then tell me this, partner. If partners share and everything, how come you didn't share when Mrs. Johnson brought in that plate of double chocolate chip cookies as a thank-you for catching those guys that mugged her?"

"That's simple."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So, are you going to keep stalling or have you came up with a reason yet?"

"I am not stalling."

"Right."

"I'm not."

"Sure."

"I'm just remembering how good those cookies were. They just melted in my mouth."

"You're a jerk."

"No, seriously, partner. I had your best interests in mind when I didn't share them."

"Yeah, right."

"Really. I mean someone has to watch that figure of yours. By the way, have you been putting on a few extra pounds lately?"

"You know, I was getting ready to go over there and ask him. But after that comment, I've changed my mind."

"All right. I'm sorry. That remark was totally uncalled for. You've got a great figure. Not, that I notice your figure or anything. But, you know you really haven't put on any extra pounds. You look great. Stop grinning at me like that. And stop throwing things. Hey, I'm gonna need that pen later. Where did it go? Now see what you did? Well, hell, you know what? I just didn't want to share those cookies with you. And you know what, they were great. Freaking fantastic! And I never once thought about sharing. So there."

"Okay, that does it. I can forgive a lot of things. But one thing I simply can't forgive is that. I REALLY wanted some of those cookies. Chocolate chip is my favorite. I was just slightly annoyed before. Now, I am seriously pissed off."

"Man, would you just calm down for a minute? Oh, all right, here."

"What? You saved some? Oh man you are the best."

"Yeah, I know. But do me a favor, would ya?"

"Anything for you, partner."

"Don't talk with your mouth full `cause it's really grossing me out."

"Sorry."

"And, you know, since I was SO nice to save you some, I think you really need to repay my kindness."

"Really."

"Yeah."

"And exactly how would I go about repaying this very kind and generous gesture of yours? As if I couldn't guess already."

"Well, now that you mention it, you could…"

"Hey, fellas," a new voice intruded upon their conversation, "I've got an idea."

The two partners exchanged a quick, nervous look before answering. "Yeah?" "What?"

"How about you just ask the fucking question already and quit annoying everybody? How does that sound?"

"Fine." "Okay by me."

"So ask me already."

"Well…" "You see, it's like this…"

"ASK."

"Go ahead partner, ask him." "No, you ask him."

"You two are REALLY starting to annoy me."

"I can't believe this. He offered to let you ask him. So go on." "Me? I think he was looking at you when he said it. So, you ask him."

"Oh for crying out loud. Would you two just cut out the Laurel and Hardy routine and ask me already?"

"Hey, that sounds like a plan." "Yeah, an excellent idea."

"What now? Did I miss something here? I'm starting to get a headache."

"What my partner means is that…fill him in partner." "Well, we'll both ask you."

"Oh goody. Maybe that means I'll be able to actually get some work done."

"You don't have to get all grouchy." "Yeah, I think I'm getting offended."

"Just ask me."

"Maybe we don't want to know now." "Yeah, you hurt our feelings."

"I'm going to hurt something else in just a minute if you don't ask me."

"See, I told you he would end up doing me bodily harm." "Don't worry about it. I'll protect you."

"You'll both be needing protection in just a minute if you don't knock this shit off."

"All right, you've manage to convince us." "Yeah, we'll ask you."

"Finally."

Exchanging a quick grin, Henri and Rafe turned to face a very irate Jim Ellison. Trying to look innocent and disinterested, they finally asked the question that had been bothering them all day. "So, Jim, what happened to your socks?"

Staring down, Jim looked at his feet. Instead of seeing his usual white apparel, he was greeted with the sight of two very colorful pink socks. "I just got one thing to say, fellas."

"Yeah?" "What?"

"Before you do laundry, always check your whites pile. You never know when your partner will accidentally toss in his pair of red thong underwear."

The End

 


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