Disclaimer: Jim and Blair belong to Pet Fly not me. This was written purely for enjoyment. Oh and for my dues too.J I am sorry itís late.
NOTES: Ok I know nothing about medicine. Ok next to nothing. So any mistakes here are all mine.J This was a thought that popped into my head and wouldnít go away. So I had no choice but to put it down.
Blair woke to the sunlight shining in his eyes. He blinked and raised his hand to block the sunlight. Sunlight? * There was no sunlight in his room usually. Where am I? He thought. He looked around. The sterile white walls, crisp white linensÖthe memories came rushing back to him. DamnÖin the hospitalÖagain. Only this time there was no Jim by his bedside to comfort him or reassure him. Blair felt his eyes fill with tears. He angrily wiped them away.
"Iím not going to do this. I wonít cry!"
Unfortunely, his brain turned a deaf ear to the words that tumbled from his mouth, and the tears slipped down his cheeks. A deep depression filled Blair. He thought back to when this whole mess began.
1 Week earlier:
Blair was just trying to stay out of the way. Every time he tried to help the end result was Ellison yelling at him in front of most of Major crimes and a lot of other officer, just stay out of his way Blair, he thought. Finally after almost 2 weeks of late night stakeouts it paid off. They were finally able to bring down a big ring of drug dealers. They caught a few big guys too. It was a good bust. Blair felt so good to be able to be a part of pulling more poison off the streets of Cascade. Well when Jim wasnít yelling at him. Jim had been tense and snappy for the past 3 weeks. Jimís dad wanted to become a bigger part of his life. Now Blair gave him credit because Jim was trying. Sometimes his dad would say something and it would set Jim off. And Jim usually took it out on the one closest to himÖBlair. Usually Blair could handle it. But he just didnít feel right. His stomach was killing him. Maybe itís something I ate. I wish he thought. He hadnít been able to eat because he was so tense. He never knew when Jim would explode next. Maybe tomorrow Iíll stop at the campus clinic. Everything was just about wrapped up. They headed back to the truck.
Oh Joy, thought Blair now comes the fun part, all the paper work. Truth be told, Blair didnít really mind the paper work. There was just so much of it. Lost in thought Blair wasnít looking where he was going and bumped right into Jim.
"Damn it Sandburg! Canít you watch where youíre going?!"
Ellisonís voice was loud enough to draw a few stares from the other officers. Blair felt a blush crawl up his face.
Was all he said, Jim hopped in the truck and slammed the door. Blair quietly followed with his head down. Take a deep breath he told himself. Itís gonna be a long night. By the time the paper work was finished and signed the sun was coming up. They drove back to the loft. Jim went upstairs to change. Blair shaved combed his hair and changed his clothes. He had enough time to get some coffee at the deli and drive to Rainer for his first class. God he was tired. As Blair grabbed his Jacket and keys he heard Jim come down the loft stairs.
"You know Chief, you should really take it easy and rest."
Blair held his temper.
"Jim I have to go to the University today. I canít skip it."
"Blair you look like youíre about to drop. Blowing off one day of school for sleep wonít kill you."
THATíS IT!!!! Blairís temper got the better of him.
Through clenched teeth he turned to Jim.
"I have a 9 A.M. Anthro 101. Then I have to shoot over to my next class to give an exam in Anthro. 102. Then I have office hours at 1:00. Not to mention a meeting with the dissertation committee for my thesis at 3:00. Then somewhere in there I have to find time to finish my paper thatís due for tomorrowís class, pile on top of that all those exams Iíll have to grade. Rest Jim! Iíll get all the rest I need when Iím dead!" He shouted.
With that he stomped out and slammed the door. Great Blair just great, Blair thought, why couldnít I just keep quiet. Because Iím too fucking tired. Iím so tired of everyone acting like my work at the U is unimportant. I know how important police work is and sometimes is life and death situationsÖ..but DAMN IT!!! Iíve fallen so far behind. They act like itís not important at all. Well itís important to me. Just stop thinking Blair and get in the car. Blair started the Volvo and drove off.
Meanwhile back at the loftÖ
Jim was speechless. He couldnít believe how Blair stormed out. He went back up the stairs and threw himself across his bed. Damn. Jim Ellison, why must you always stick your foot in your mouth? Jim mimicked his own wordsÖ"Blowing off one day of school for sleep wonít kill you" Ellison, sometimes youíre a real idiot. Lately he couldnít control his temper where Blair was concerned. WHY? Because itís easy to take things out on him, heís the closest one to you and heís always there. He recalled the look of hurt and embarrassment on Blairís face when he yelled at him at the crime scene. It was a good bust. So why was he so tense? My father he thought. Why now? Why after so many years, does he want to be a part of my life now? He thought back to his and Blairís conversation after his dad called him.
"Why donít you give him a chance Jim? Heís trying. I mean what could it hurt just to have lunch and talk to him?"
"Why Sandburg why now? Why not when I was a kid and I needed him most. Huh? Especially after mom left. No!!! He was too busy. His job was more important to him then. Youíre a young man, Jim mimicked in his dadís voice, Straighten up son. Stop your sniveling! Damn it Blair, you werenít there."
"I can understand that Jim. But think about this. He was left with 2 small sons to raise. He was hurting too. Maybe he was dealing with it the only way he knew how. But heís making an effort now. Cut him some slack. Just give him a chance Jim, just this once. See how it goes."
Reluctantly, Jim did call. He agreed to a lunch with his dad and Stephen. Although it was a little tense it was ok. It was good to see Stephen again. But now his dad wanted to get together once a week. More if possible, he wasnít ready for that yet.
Shit! He should apologize to Blair. He was really being hard on him the past couple of weeks. Ok. Tonight he thought tonight weíll talk. Hopefully clear the air between the two of them. He turned over and got comfortable and fell asleep.
Blair looked up at the clock. 9:00 shit! Where did the day go? There never seems to be enough time in the day to do everything that had to get done. What a day too! He was exhausted. With little or no sleep for the past 4 days between stake outs and the bust, the paper work at the station, the tension between him and Jim. It was beginning to take its toll on him. He remembered the harsh words he threw at Jim on his way out. Why should he feel bad about it? Jim was being a complete prick. He just wanted this day to end. It started with most of his students in Anthro 101 asking for an extension on the assignment that was due. Too tired to argue or get angry he granted the whole class an entire week to hand in the assignment. Then the committee was less than thrilled with him asking to change the topic of his thesis. He handed in his first chapter of his original plan he spewed out to Captain Simon Banks. The thin blue line. A thesis on his work at the police station and closed societies they seemed kind of interested. He was told they would get back to him after they went through it then he would get the final decision. He knew he couldnít publish his thesis on Jim. It was just too dangerous. He had to protect Jim. And anyway the way things were going between him and Jim putting his back up plan into effect couldnít hurt either. He was able to finish his paper that was due tomorrow and turned it in early to his professor. Now he was grading the exams from Anthro 102 and not liking what he was reading. God didnít any of them pay attention to what he was saying! Aside from one or two the rest of them were awful! God his stomach was killing him. Maybe I should take that walk to the clinic now, he thought and save these nightmares for tomorrow. He was just about finished packing his backpack when the phone rang.
"Hey Sandburg, You plan on coming back to the loft anytime soonÖ..a phone call would have been nice you know!"
No, donít do this Jim thought. Why must he be so harsh with Blair. Donít be an idiot Jim he kept saying to himself. But his brain refused to listen. Blair felt his anger flair again.
"As a matter of fact Jim, NO I DON"T! You see, Iíve spent so much time at your job that mine has piled up here and gee you know I donít have anyone to help me. So no Jim, I donít know when Iíll get there. Youíre going to have to cook dinner for yourself tonight. Iím swamped. Tonight youíre on your own!"
Calm down Sandburg, Blair thought. Why am I getting so upset?
"Hey no one twists your arm to be there Sandburg."
"Oh no Jim you just pile your paper work where I can do it."
God! Shut up Blair Shut up.
"Yea, well Sandburg," Jim said in a dangerous tone "maybe you shouldnít come back at all!"
Shut up Jim! He yelled at himself. He couldnít believe he just said those words to Blair.
"Yea, maybe I shouldnít!" Blair shot back.
They both slammed down the phone at the same time.
God, Blair felt sick. He put his hand on his stomach. What the hell just happened here? Sweat broke out on his brow. He started shaking. A knock at his door made him jump.
"Come in. Itís open." He called.
Sarah Parks, one of his students walked in.
"Hi, Iím sorry to bother you Professor Sandburg, but I wanted to askÖ."
Her smile turned into a frown.
"Um Professor Sandburg are you ok?"
Blair tried to stand on rubbery legs and collapsed in a heap on the floor near his desk. Sarah ran towards him and put a hand on his back.
"No Sarah, I donít think I am."
God something was really wrong with him.
"I think I need to go to the hospital."
"I have my car right outside. Do you want me to call anyone for you Professor?"
"No, no thank you. But a ride to the hospital would be good. I donít think I can drive myself."
When they got to the hospital, Blair sent Sarah on her way. She felt bad leaving him there alone, but he insisted that he was in capable hands. Three hours later the doctor came back with the X-rays.
"Well Mr. Sandburg, weíve found the cause of your discomfort. The X-rays show a lump in the lining of your stomach."
Blair couldnít breath. //A lump! Oh God//!
"UmÖa lump. What does this mean?"
"Well Iíd like to run a few test first. Iím going to admit you so I can keep an eye on you for a while. So why donít we go ahead and get that started ok. It says on your chart that Ö.umÖa Detective Ellison is your next of kin and emergency back up. Would you like me to call him?" Fear shot through Blair.
"Um no. He is away at a conference." Blair lied smoothly.
"O.K. lets get you admitted then. Ok. Weíll run some test and then talk in the morning. Alright?"
Blair was never more scared in his life. //Please God donít let it be bad//. 2 hours later Blair lay in a hospital bed. They had given him something to help him rest after so many tests he went through. His last thoughts were of Jim as he drifted off to a deep sleep. //I should call Jim// he thought as sleep claimed him.
Jim was getting really worried. He tried calling the University after he calmed down. No answer. Then he tried Blairís cell phone only to find it turned off. He got in his truck and drove to the University. He found Blairís VolvoÖbut not Blair. Damn. Itís almost 3A.M. Where are you Sandburg? He drove around and looked everywhere. He simply couldnít find him. He called some of his friends and some of his usual haunts, but Blair was nowhere to be found. God, why did he have to tell him not to come back to the loft? It was his home. Jim you are a world-class prick! It isnít enough that Blair saved your sanity. He taught you how to use those senses of yours. He does most of your paper work at the station with out complaining. He goes to stake outs to make sure you donít zone out. Then he does all his work, homework and studying on top of it and you go and get mad at him for not taking a day off. To rest from doing YOUR JOB. Oh man Blair, Iím so sorry. Just come home and Iíll show you how sorry I am. He went back to the loft. Hopefully Blair was there now.
Blair sat upright in bed, picking at the sheet. He was a little hungry, but no one came with breakfast yet. The door opened. The doctor walked in.
"Good morning Mr. Sandburg. The nurse said you slept all night. How are you feeling?"
"Itís Blair please. Okay, I guess, Iíd really like to know the results of the tests Dr. Grant."
"Ok o.k. Well youíll be happy to know the lump in your stomach is benign. But it will have to be removed or it may grow bigger and cause all kinds of problems."
Relief flooded Blair. YES!!! THANK YOU!
"Iíve scheduled you for surgery today at 12 noon. Is this ok with you?"
"Ok with meÖoh Doctor I gotta tell you I was scared to death. Whatís a little surgery, yes itís fine. Um how long will I have to stay?"
"Well Iíd like for you to stay tomorrow too. I like to play it safe. You can go home the day after tomorrow. Ok."
"Yes, Thanks Doctor."
The Doctor smiled and left. Then Blair started to shake. God, What if it was cancerous. NO! Donít do this to yourself. The doctor said everything would be fine. For the hundredth time he wished Jim was here with him. JimÖ. he must be going nuts. He should call him. I really donít need a lecture now he thought. He picked up the phone and dialed.
"Hi Simon. Itís Blair."
"I know who it is. Jesus Kid where are you? Jim called me three times. Jim told me about the fall out you two had. Are you ok?"
"YÖNoÖIíll be fine Simon. Look I really donít want another shouting match with Jim. Do me a favor and tell him that Iím ok and Iíll be home in a few days."
"A few days? Blair where are you? Are you really ok?"
"Yea. I just need to think Simon. Ok. Please do this for me."
"Consider it done Blair. Iím glad you called. I hope you know you can come to me if you need help son." SON!!! Simon Banks just called me SON! Oh man. "Man, you must be worried, you called me son!" Blair let out a chuckle.
"Blair donít make me have to hurt you." Simon smiled into the phone.
"Take care of yourselfÖson!"
Blair laughed out loud.
"Thanks Simon. I will."
With that he hung up.
Simon looked up and saw his best detective at his desk attempting to work. But he seemed lost in thought. He stood up and went to the door.
"Ellison!! My office."
Jim looked up and sighedÖ..oh man now what he thought. He walked into Simonís office and closed the door.
"I just got a phone call you might be interested in."
"Blair?" He asked hopefully.
"Yes Jim, Blair called. He wanted you to know he was fine, that he needed time to think and would be back in a couple of days."
"Why the hell didnít he call me?"
"Because he didnít want to get into a shouting match with you."
"Iím sorry Simon. Maybe Blairís right. A couple of days apartÖare going to make things worse Simon. Simon I have to talk to him. Did he say where he was staying?"
"No. He didnít tell me. Jim give him the time he needs. When he s ready heíll come back."
Jim sank back defeated.
"What choice do I have Simon. Well if thatís all sir Iíll get back to work."
Jim went back to his desk. Simon was worried. I hope they work this thing out. If notÖIíll have to throw them in a holding cell until they do. Simon smiled at that thought. Jim and Blair in a holding cell. Theyíd kill each other. Simon laughed a bit. Shook his head and went back to work.
The next days were the longest in James Ellisonís life. Simon couldnít take it anymore. Either he got Jim out of here or he was gonna shoot him himself. Blair said he would be coming home today from wherever he was. He got up and grabbed his coat and headed towards Jimís desk.
"Jim, get your coat."
"Sir? Where are we going?"
"Just get your coat and follow me."
Once they were in Simonís car Jim asked again.
"Iím taking you home. Youíre driving me and the rest of the bullpen nuts you will spend the rest of the day home. Besides the kid is supposed to come back today."
"Please Simon. No phone call to let me know where he is or how he is doing. Right now Iím so angry with himÖOk okay maybe I was being a little hard on him. But what the fuck is this, his way of punishing me. If he were he right now, IídÖI donít know what Iíd do."
"Jim as an officer of the law I donít want to hear anymore. Where is all this coming from?"
"I donít know. Simon Iíve never been this worried. I just wish I knew where he was."
"Well tell you what. We are going to the loft. Where we will order take out. First we eat. Then we talk and you can get this out of your system."
"Simon you know Iím no good with words."
"Either that or desk duty for the nextÖoh Iíd say 2 weeks."
Jim looked absolutely horrified.
"Simon you wouldnít."
"In a heartbeat Ellison."
"Oh man Simon."
A slow smile spread across Simonís face as he drove on.
The doctor finished putting a clean bandage on Blair.
"I really wish you would change your mind and stay a few more days. Iíd like to keep an eye on that incision. I really donít feel comfortable sending you home alone."
"No need to worry doc. My roommate was a medic in the army. Heíll take care of me."
Yea keep dreaming Sandburg. Youíll be lucky if you can get in to get a change of clothes. Oh man could this be fixed?
"I thought you said he was away at a conference."
Uh oh busted. Blair blushed at being caught in his lie.
"UmÖ.well Ö.he should be back now."
Blair replied lamely. God he wanted to stick his head in the toilet.
"Well Iíll tell you what Blair, If you can promise me you wonít be alone for the next few days and to stay off your feet Iíll feel better about releasing you. You are still sore from the surgery and I can see youíre having difficulty walking. I know it hurts. But the good thing is we got it all out. You will heal fine. But you must not and I canít stress this enough, you MUST NOT over due it. Okay you really need to rest. Can you promise me that?"
"Yes Doctor. No problem."
With the release papers signed and cab called Blair walked his lying little but out of the hospital. Ok. Its 12:30 and Jim should still be at work. I can get in get a few things and then head back to my office. Well at least I have a couch in there. I can rest there. Did Jim really mean it when he said donít come back. Man he was so depressed. He got out of the cab at 852 Prospect. He didnít see Jimís truck. Thatís a good sign. However, he failed to notice Simonís car parked a little ways down. He limped inside and got on the elevator.
Jim and Simon had just finished lunch. Jim and Simon were just about finished cleaning up when Simon saw Jim stop. He cocked his head to the side.
"Jim, are you zoning? Jim?"
Simon watch Jimís face tense. Then he heard the key in the lock. OH SHIT! He watched as Jim stormed over to the door and yanked it open pulling a very startled Sandburg inside. The kid didnít look too good. Then Simon watched in shock as Jim not only slammed the door, but also slammed Blair against the door practically picking him up off his feet. Jim snarled in Blairís face.
"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"
Blair couldnít breathe, pain shot through him.
"JimÖplease" he gasped.
Simon ran over and separated them.
"JIM LET HIM GO" he yelled.
Jim let go and Simon caught Blair as he fell to his knees. Simon watch in disbelief as a red stain spread though Blairís shirt on his stomach. His eyes closed tight against the pain. Simon helped him up and glared at Jim. He helped Blair to the couch. Blair sat back panting. Simon started to lift Blairís shirt and Blair grabbed his hand.
"Donít" was all he said.
Jim was in shock. Oh God I hurt him. He finally stumbled over to the couch and watched at Simon lifted Blairís shirt. Jim almost fell over. A big white bandage covered Blairís stomach a red stain spreading steadily.
"Blair, what happened?" Simon asked truly concerned.
"Oh God Simon. It hurts. How bad is it?"
Simon gently pulled the bandage back and gasped. There was a good size incision along Blairís stomach. Three of the stitches were pulled open leaving an ugly open wound and small trickle of blood flowing down his abdomen.
"Oh God Blair," stammered Jim, "Blair Iím Sorry."
Simon glared at Jim. "Shut up Jim. Get my car keys. Were taking him to the hospital."
Blair mumbled something.
Simon leaned down. "What was that Blair?"
"Cascade General. Thatís where I was just released from."
Simon scooped Blair up in his arms and looked at Jim.
"What are you waiting for? Get the door!"
Jim felt awful. He wanted to sink into the floor. He hurt Blair. Damn son of a bitch! How was he supposed to know Blair was injured? Oh God what did he do!
He got the door and they gently got Blair down to the first floor and into Simonís car. Jim drove to the hospital in record time with screaming sirens. As luck would have it Dr. Grant was in the E. R. when Simon came in carrying Blair in his arms screaming for help.
"Mr. Sandburg! What happened you just left here not a half hour ago."
"You know this man?" Simon said as he lowered Blair onto a gurney.
"Yes. He was my patient. He was released today. He just had surgery. He was supposed to take it easy."
The Doctor saw the red stain on Blairís shirt.
"Good heavens Blair how did this happen. Let me take a look."
Dr. Grant was not happy.
"Ok. You really did a number here. But aside from pulling the stitches on the outside everything else seems to be fine. Ok nurse lets get him cleaned up and letís get some stitches to close this up. How bad is the pain Blair?"
Blair looked at Dr. Grant and gasped.
With that he passed out.
"Well I guess that answers my question."
He looked over to Simon and Jim. He held out his hand.
"Dr. Grant. Iíve been treating Blair. He was released this morning. He was supposed to be resting. Do either of you know what happened?"
Simon shook the doctorsí hand.
"Iím Captain Banks. This is Detective Ellison." Simon jerked his thumb at Jim.
"Blair is one of my men. He is Detective Ellisonís partner."
The Doctor looked at Jim.
"Arenít you supposed to be at a conference?"
"What?" Both Jim and Simon asked.
" I noticed that Detective Ellison was listed as Blairís emergency contact. When I asked him if I should contact him prior to the surgery, he told me Detective Ellison was attending a conference."
Jim and Simon exchanged looks.
"Doctor what did Blair have surgery for?"
"Iím sorry gentlemen but youíll have to discuss that with Blair."
"Please Doctor." This was the first time that Jim spoke up. Dr. Grant saw true concern in his face. Jim rarely showed his emotions.
"Please. Whatís wrong with Blair? Is it serious?"
"Well you are listed as his emergency contact and next of kin. Please letís sit down."
They walked over to an empty section in the waiting room and sat down.
"Blair was brought in by a friend. He was in quite a bit of pain. He was complaining of stomach pains. We couldnít find anything. Finally an X-ray showed a lump in the lining of his stomach."
A LUMP. Jim thought he was going to pass out. OH DEAR GOD!!!!
The Doctor saw Jim and Simon pale at this information.
"Further tests were taken and it showed the lump was Benign. But it still had to be removed. It was the size of an orange. The surgery went very smoothly with not complications. He still has to come back in four weeks to make sure itís not growing back. He was sent home against my better judgment. He said his roommate," he looked at Jim, "I guess that would be you Detective Ellison, was a medic in the army and would be able to take care of him. Well, I knew I should have tried harder to make him stay for a few more days."
Simon smiled at this.
"Believe me Doctor Grant if Blair didnít want to stay there is no way anyone could have made himÖshort of tying him to the bed."
"Yes Captain Banks, I will have to agree. He is a stubborn young man. But he is healthy. He will be fine. He just needs a lot of rest."
With that the doctor stood.
"Iím going to check on him. Iíll write him a prescription for pain. He should take it as needed. Iím sure heíll be able to leave, provided someone will watch over him for the next few days."
He looked directly at Jim.
"No need to worry doc. Iíll take good care of him. Thank you."
Jim shook his hand. The doctor turned and left. This left Jim with a very angry Simon Banks.
"Okay Jim. What the hell were you thinking treating Blair like that? I know you were upset. You could have seriously hurt him. Your lucky all you did was pull a few stitches loose. Youíre my friend Jim. And over the years Iíve come to care just as much for Blair. I want to help you out any way I can, but if you ever lift a hand to that boy again I will personally beat the shit out of you! Then throw you in a holding cell. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Sir." Jim sighed. "Look Simon. I feel awful. I never meant to hurt him. But I always seem to be doing just that. God Simon, how do I fix this?"
Simonís face softened.
"Donít worry Jim. Weíll get through this."
With that they both went back to find Blair.
They were happy to see Blair awake and responsive answering Dr. Grantís questions. Dr. Grant just finished applying a new bandage.
"Ok Blair. Keep it clean, dry and remember to change the dressing daily. Now letís try sitting up."
He put a hand under his head to help him up. Blair winced as he sat up. He swayed a bit and Jim came forward. He put his hands on his shoulders to steady him. Blue eyes locked with blue eyes. Blair could see how upset Jim was. This really shocked him. Jim never showed his emotions. Man they really needed to talk.
"You ready to come home buddy?"
Jim asked almost afraid to hear the answer. Blair looked back.
"Iíd like to come home Jim. I really would like that."
Jim smiled at him. He helped Blair off the gurney then wrapped him in a big hug. Blair was stunned at first. After a minute he returned the hug. He held Jim tight his eyes filling with tears. He whispered sentinel softlyÖ "Iím sorry Jim. Iím really sorry. I didnít mean what I said. I was just so tired."
"I know buddy. I know. I havenít been the easiest person to get along with lately either. Things will get better. Please let me know in the future when you feel over whelmed. Iíd do anything to help you Blair. I want you to know that."
Blair pulled back to look at Jim and was stunned to see a wetness to his eyes. Blair smiled. From behind him he heard someone clear their throat. They both turned to see a smiling Simon and the E.R. staff smiling at them. One of the nurses wiped a tear from her eye. Jim heard her whisperÖ "Oh thatís so sweet to see two brothers so close."
Jim just smiled. Yes. Blair was his brother maybe not by blood, but by choice.
"Yea, I think things are gonna be ok Jim. Can we go home now?"
Jim smiled. "Sure Chief. Letís go home."
Simon and Jim helped Blair out of the E.R. and into the car. Yea, everything was going to be okay.