Blair shivered only slightly as the wind blew around him once more. This was one of the hardest things he would force himself to do at least once every December. He didn't have to do it, but he wanted to. It helped him put things into perspective. It helped him realize what he had verses
what others did not. It kept him real. It kept him grounded.
His hips and knees had adjusted nicely to the pose, a full lotus position, feet turned up, hands palms up placed on his knees, his face resting. No talking, no looking, and he had turned out all the city noise. Well, if he thought about it, he hadn't really turned out the city noise just accepted it. He had welcomed it in and now it had just blended into a peaceful silence. He was one, one with his center, one with his soul. Silently he turned his face up and noticed that small drops of snow had begun to fall. He let them land on his face and his hair. The night was a welcome blanket and the snow a refreshing newness to enjoy.
He heard the door to the stairs that had brought him up here open and slowly he began to bring himself back to the present. He had been one for enough time. He had reflected on his life this past year it's joys and sorrows for long enough. He was a peace now. Back to himself, his
restless yearning for things out of his reach calmed. He heard footsteps move to stand next to him as he let the snow continue to fall on his face, unwilling to let the silence and peacefulness go until his friend drove it away. That was the next moment.
"Blair, you'll catch a cold out here." Jim said as he stooped down to the other man's height.
"No I wont Jim. I haven't been out here that long." He commented, he knew his voice was still soft, still trying to be as undisturbing as possible to his surroundings. "I thought you were working well into the New Year." He shifted then giving the man access to more of the blanket
he was sitting on if he were interested.
Jim took him up on the offer and sat down next to him, looking over the city streets. He had picked up on Blair's quite tone and made his own voice match the same volume. "I was, but Simon decided that both of us didn't need to coordinate the round ups of intoxicated individuals and since I was starting to get a headache...."
Blair turned and looked at the man who hadn't been in his life that long. "You okay?"
Jim returned the look with a smile. "Yeah. It was just the smell from some of the guys we were bringing in. The holidays always seem to bring out the need to drink in people. How 'bout you? The last place I expected to find you tonight was sitting on the roof dressed like that meditating."
Blair looked over his attire. Short sleeve T-shirt, sweat pants and wool socks. It wasn't much but then there were those who walked the streets every day with less. That was a reality he needed to keep in mind, there were so many others with less then himself. "It's enough." Was all he said and looked out across the city once more.
They sat in silence again for long moments, each letting the others thoughts settle. Then Jim turned to face the younger man. "Blair, what time did you come out here?"
He thought about the question for a moment then smiled. "I guess it was about nine or so."
"Dressed like that?" Sensing he wasn't ready to go in Jim got a bit more comfortable.
"Yeah. I didn't have time to make any major plans because of the grant submission I had been working on and I didn't have time to do my yearly meditation. So since you didn't need me at the station, tonight seemed like a perfect chance."
"To what, freeze?" Jim commented before thinking better of it. Clearing his throat at the look Blair gave him he went on. "Sorry. I'm just not understanding this."
"This, what? The meditation thing? We went over that before Jim. I meditate to bring things into perspective sometimes. I still think it would work wonders for you." He smiled as Jim shook his head. "Come on the New Year's about to begin, it could be a fresh new start for you!" He started to laugh at the terrified look that came into Jim's eyes.
"Oh no Chief, we've been over this. I am not the meditative type. It works for you I accept that. Just don't ask me to do it as well, it's not me."
"Okay, understood. So what is it you're not getting?" He shivered harder this time as the wind kicked up and blew more of the snow that was starting to come down harder around.
"Why you are meditating in the cold of winter dressed like that." Jim sat back up and adjusted his gloves.
Blair paused a moment and looked out across the city. Then he looked back at Jim before looking down at his legs still holding the lotus position. He cleared his throat and hoped he really could trust this man. "It gives me a perspective on remembering to be thankful for what I have and what I can do. It helps me understand what others who are not as fortunate as myself go through. If I'm cold up here right now I always have the option of going back down stairs and getting warm. Where do some of the other people go? Who helps them get warm? When my place blew up, I didn't know where I was going to go. I was lucky, I had you to turn to. How many others have no one? There are so many things that I have Jim, so many that so many others do not. And yet time after time during the year I find myself at some point feeling like my whole world is falling apart and that I have nothing. Doing this once a year, during the winter helps keep me in check. Helps me look back on all of the good things and the bad. Helps me remember what I do have and maybe keep the goals I have in check to remind myself that fame and fortune might not be all it's cracked up to be. It helps keep me real." He paused and turned giggling a bit. "Well, as real as I can be anyway."
Jim sat in a mild state of shock. Was this Blair? Was this the Blair who talked about who he was going to date and which girl he could juggle around another to make sure neither found each other out? He paused and looked out at the city once more. "You never cease to surprise me
Sandburg." He commented thoughtfully. "You're right, there are a lot of people out there with a lot less then us. That should never be forgotten. It does keep you grounded if you keep that in mind. However, there is nothing wrong with striving for more then what you have now. Striving for more never means you have to forget where you came from. There are a lot of people who once they have made it go back and help those in their same situations."
"That is true. But this for me, this is acceptance, this is being one with my universe and learning from it. I have no doubt I won't help them out, you know the work that I already do. This just keeps things real for me. In an emotional and physical way, it's humbling."
Jim nodded his understanding and began to think. When was the last time he had truly gotten real with himself and his surroundings? Peru it would have had to have been there. He had had no choice. Suddenly noise erupted from around them and Jim smiled and turned to Blair.
"Happy New Year!" They said in unison before laughing a bit at the timing.
Standing Jim decided that this year should be a bit different. He was embracing his sentinel abilities and had the closest friend he was ever going to get in the man who guided him daily. Quickly he took off his coat and shirt before draping them both around Blair's shoulders he then
kicked off his shoes and sat back down in the pose Blair was still holding.
"Jim, what are you doing?" Blair asked even as he brought the coat around him tighter. Having felt the warmth he didn't realize just how could he truly was.
"I'm getting real. Now get your but downstairs and in a tub of hot water before you really do catch a cold. I'll be down in a bit." He smiled at him then.
"No zones?" Blair asked as he turned from the doorway.
"No zones, I promise. But thanks." He nodded before turning to look out at the city once more.
"Sure, Jim." Blair replied and smiled. The New Year was starting off on a very good note.